Cooper's Mama

I hate…

1.) Jealousy

2.) Arguing over things that can’t change

3.) Crabby customers

4.) Being rejected

5.) Trying and feeling like it’s not good enough

6.) The religion I grew up in full of brainwashing/control

7.) When I’m sick

8.) When my son is sick

9.) Not understanding concepts in classes

10.) Feeling like there’s not enough time to be this busy

11.) Bein’ broke

12.) Not being accepted

13.) Being called "annoying"

14.) Being called an "irritation"

15.) Studying and still getting a bad grade

16.) Leaving things until the last minute

17.) People who make my best friend leave my life

18.) Vengeful people

19.) Hangovers

20.) Being so negative about this list (even though this part is easier to do)

21.) Having a broken gas guage and guessing at how much fuel is in my tank

22.) People who think they are so much better than you are

23.) Not knowing what the future will hold

24.) Arguing over dumb things

25.) Being tired and not being able to take a nap

26.) People who are closed-minded

(I don’t actually hate people who are these things, just what they can do)

27.) When you work on an assignment and the computer crashes, and even though you saved the file you still have to redo it

28.) Getting stuck in the snow

29.) When you focus on the positive and it’s always turned into something negative

30.) When I help people and it backfires

31.) Trying what I think is good enough but it’s still not

32.) Getting just bills in the mail

33.) Drivers who pass you to just slow down anyway

34.) Feeling like a b*tch in this but really, I’m not (this is just an assignment)

35.) Cleaning the bathroom

36.) People who cut-down others for no apparent reason

37.) People who can’t spell (i.e., "tho" instead of "though", "thru" instead of "through", etc.)

38.) Thinking of things I hate because I don’t like to complain or pick apart (just seems like it in this thing)

39.) People who think they’re God’s gift to Earth

40.) Slow traffic

41.) When people say I shouldn’t cry when it’s just a normal part of life, sometimes

42.) People who are two-faced!

43.) People who place blame

44.) Headaches (like I have now)

45.) People who say they will call or text but don’t (although I understand people get busy)

46.) People who act interested in getting to know you but then don’t

47.) Negative-zero temperatures

48.) Too short of a Summer

49.) When time crawls by

50.) Thinking of fifty other things to type (wow…)

51.) The other side of my son’s biological "family"

52.) People who blamed me for a suicide

53.) Changing my number because people threaten me

54.) When the Internet displays the "cannot display this page" message

55.) Toothaches

56.) Getting used to Daylight Savings Time when it’s "Fall back"

57.) Crying for a year because my best friend was being taken away by some control freak

58.) The feeling of not being able to move when you’re full

59.) Being used

60.) Bad memories that are difficult to let go of

61.) Sitting in class where the subject matter is repeated over and over again

62.) People who think you’re stupid just because they are a little older than you

63.) People who only think of what they want or need

64.) Helping others and they still complain

65.) Being bored with nothing to do

66.) Getting something in your eye with contacts in

67.) People in a position of authority walking all over you

68.) People treating me like some little kid

69.) Explaining to my father that I’m almost 25 and not 3

70.) Having every move be picked apart

71.) People pretend to be your friend but do things to indicate they really aren’t

72.) People assume they know what goes on when they really don’t

73.) When people cut down my family

74.) The word "r*tard"

75.) When people say anything negative about my son or fiance

76.) When people seek revenge

77.) People who call social services and lie because they are pissed off

78.) People who make big deals nothing

79.) People who make nothing big deals!

80.) Complaining in this thing

81.) People who act superior to you

82.) Doctors coming to check on you NOT on time, say you have "a virus" and get a big paycheck for it

83.) People who hold a baby in one arm and a cigarette in the other

84.) The man who my fiance and I complained to when he yelled at his baby

85.) Algebra!

86.) Waiting for something you don’t know will happen but it’s everything you ever want to happen

87.) That soon you can read what I LIKE instead of hate

88.) When people call only because they need something

89.) When people don’t just tell me the truth and get it over with

90.) When someone says they won’t say anything but still do

91.) People who lie to get you in trouble

92.) Immaturity

93.) Nitpickers

94.) No daycare at school like UND has

95.) People who yell at children

96.) Give people an inch and they think they’re a ruler

97.) People who are self-righteous and always right

98.) Pushy people

99.) People who keep telling me something and I don’t want to discuss it

100.) When people judge you before they even know you

 

 

I like…

1.) My son

2.) My fiance

(I love my son and fiance, though)

3.) Swimming

4.) Paychecks

5.) Tax returns

6.) Making new friends

7.) Newborns

8.) Sleeping after a long day

9.) Writing

10.) Doing well on tests

11.) My mom

12.) My cat

13.) My dad

14.) Help cleaning the house

15.) Taking photos

16.) Acceptance

17.) True love

18.) Sledding

19.) Tubing

20.) Fishing

21.) Thinking of answers for this assignment

22.) People who actually care about you

23.) People who don’t stab you in the back

24.) My son’s smile

25.) My child’s laugh

26.) Looking for a new place to live at the end of April

27.) Going out once or twice a month

28.) Coffee from McDonald’s

29.) Shopping at garage sales

30.) Starbucks

31.) Doing better than I thought on homework

32.) True love

33.) Getting along with my fiance

34.) Finding things I need on sale

35.) Getting my hair done (like twice a year…)

36.) Making PowerPoint presentations (weird, I know)

37.) Realizing that people go through stuff I do

38.) Not being rejected

39.) Actually having money to develop photos to send to people

40.) When my bank account has more money than I thought

41.) Law and Order: SVU (Special Victims Unit)

42.) When people don’t think I’m too weird to have in their life

43.) When headaches go away

44.) To be loved and not controlled

45.) The prospect of coming up with 100 things I like so I can move on to things I hate (just kidding)

46.) Not living at home anymore (no offense!)

47.) Going to lunch with my mom and talking

48.) Laughing

49.) Smiling

50.) Thunderstorms

51.) Donating stuff to the pregnancy center so they have things for donations

52.) Thinking of random stuff I like for this list

53.) My fiance who loves my child as his own (our child, I mean)

54.) Reading old journals

55.) Getting out of a controlling religion

56.) Getting out of a bad relationship that ended in suicide

57.) When people aren’t jealous over dumb things

58.) Having people truly care about me

59.) Going through bad things only to be stronger by going through it

60.) "Bumper Stickers" on Facebook

61.) When people apologize

62.) When I apologize to others

63.) "Power-C" Vitamin Water (dragonfruit flavor)

64.) Having a clear head

65.) Chocolate

66.) When I make friends since I have only a few

67.) Having good things fall apart if better things can fall together

68.) Having a few true friends than a lot of fake ones

69.) My brother

70.) Going to Montana to visit family

71.) Going for a drive to think

72.) Feeling like it’s okay to be me

73.) Paradiso

74.) When people realize I’m trying my best

75.) When people don’t put me down

76.) My engagement ring

77.) Going to New York City

78.) The feeling of landing when airplanes touch down

79.) Flying

80.) Lightning (not while flying)

81.) The fact that I’m almost done ’cause I’m running out of ideas for the "like" part

82.) Trying to be positive and see the glass as half full

83.) Finally being done with a long shift at work

84.) My son’s goofy attitude

85.) Red hair

86.) People who aren’t crabby

87.) My life (most of the time)

88.) Roller coasters

89.) Going upside down on fair rides

90.) Pepperoni pizza

91.) Getting out of class early

92.) My hair longer rather than shorter

93.) Typing on the computer (i.e., essays, letters, etc.)

94.) Everything about my child

95.) That my fiance is supportive

96.) Cats/kittens

97.) That I’m almost done!

98.) My family

99.) Nice weather

100.) Being happy!

 

Not sure what to write this blog about, but I guess I will just start somewhere and hopefully it will lead into something intelligent or interesting.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about how life will happen how it happens and what’s meant to be will always find its way.  If something isn’t meant to be, it won’t happen, but if it is, it will.  This seems obvious, but I mean we can plan for life all we want… but whether what we think should happen or want to happen actually happens is another story.  I thought I would be done with college by now, but if I finished it a few years ago I wouldn’t be going through what I am now, which is trying hard to get good grades for my child (and fiance) and having a reason to do well.  It’s hard missing my son while I’m in class, but when I do get to see him afterwards it’s that much more awesome because I know I’m attending school for that little boy who I love and adore.  My fiance helps out so much and to that I’m grateful, and it’s nice to have a support system (as in a man I’m with) who tells me I’m doing a good job with everything.  I think everything really does happen for a reason, although half of the time we can’t figure out why something is going the way it is.  Sometimes good things can fall apart so better things can fall together and when you realize that you went through hard times for a reason, it makes it that much better.

I have more than one favorite memory, but "one favorite memory" I will talk about for my blog is when my son was born.  The pain during labor was not the greatest moment in my life, but my baby being born was.  My best friend got to be there when he was born and the whole time I was in labor read jokes to me, gave me ice water, rubbed my back, and made me laugh up until I hurt so much I couldn’t do anything but hold onto the bed and fight back the tears as the pain became unbearable.  The time came to have my son and I was so scared.  I was excited to meet my little boy, but exhausted and felt hopeless.  How am I going to do this?  I kept looking my best friend in the eyes, and somehow things were all right. Fourteen minutes later, my baby boy was born and I could not believe I did it!  I remember from day one how we had to bundle him up tight to keep him warm because he did not like the feeling of being cold.  Having a newborn who was mine was such a great feeling.  I didn’t have to give him back to his mommy when he cried, I could take as many pictures as I wanted to, and love him up.  I took lots of pictures and videos and he was so tiny (5 pounds, 10 ounces) that my best friend was a little scared to hold him because he’s 6 foot 3, as opposed to my new little 19-incher.  It was so awesome to hold my son and go to the store or restaurants to show him off (since we couldn’t have visitors at the hospital outside of my parents and best friend due to security reasons after an event occurred when I was eight months pregnant.)  I will never forget the feelings I had when my son was born and how complete and wonderful I felt.  I loved it and despite the terrible pain it was worth it to have my little boy who is now a year and a half and naughty as everything.  Those two pink lines are now running around, talking, laughing, and loved by so many people.  I will have many memories as the years go by and remembering them is something I like to do.

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"

I believe we get disappointed and wonder why good things fall apart.  We wonder why relationships we thought would work out didn’t, or why life throws us curveballs.  But, I think we have to have bad experiences to grow from them and have something even better than we thought happen in order to appreciate the "better" times that much more!

 

This is for my creative writing class – not an assignment for this blog but for a portfolio, so it works to have it here, too, so my mom or other people can read.

Rhyming Poem

How could it be?
Free as a dove
I can actually be me
And finally feel love

My head is on straight
Now I can smile
It’s something great
To feel worthwhile

It takes quite a man
To treat my child as his own
It was all God’s plan
To ensure we weren’t alone

I love my child
He is totally adored
He certainly is wild
But truly like an award

 

 

Weird (or Perhaps Not-really-too-weird) Things About Me

1.) I won’t eat salad without at least a little pepper on it

2.) I have seen the movie "The Hangover" about ten times and think it’s just as funny as when I first saw it

3.) I can’t hardly ever think of things on the spot (this assignment has already taken half an hour, for instance)

4.) I like spinach, alfalfa sprouts, crust on bread and broccoli

5.) I’m not afraid of heights or going upside down and fast on fair rides but I’m afraid being in a dark place alone

6.) I’d rather have a few true and real friends or people in my life I love than be "popular" and have hundreds of friends

I write to get things off my mind and to get myself to relax.  I have always loved to write because I feel a sense of comfort by doing so.  I’m able to get things ironed out in my mind and clear my thoughts, as well as reflect and remember things I’ve gone through.  I have journals written and pages typed of random thoughts/blogs/my feelings/etc. and I will always continue to write.  I express myself better on paper (or in cyberspace) and it’s nice to be able to let your thoughts flow.

                                                

I love life and the people in it!

Rewind to July 2008: My child’s biological father overdoses and commits suicide one month before my son is due to be born. 

Fast forward to August 24, 2008: My wonderful child is brought into this world by the help of my best friend, who at the time was only a friend. 

How I wanted so badly for him to be more than a friend something kept telling me I have to be patient because someday we would be.

Arguements happened every day because his now ex-girlfriend couldn’t stand me and I felt the same dislike towards her.

I cried because I felt so lost – that the man I loved wouldn’t ever realize it.  Or care.  Or love me back. 

As time went on, he finally saw the other woman’s true colors (who weren’t very pretty)

He did lots of thinking, changing his attitude and realized who really cared all along and who really didn’t.

Hurt is the past; fights aren’t important.  All you can do is say sorry and mean it and move on from the drama and frustration.

Because people change.  For better or worse.  Bad situations create bad attitudes but love is stronger than anything you can go through.

I finally love life.  My child is my world and I am truly happy for once because what I hoped for is coming to be.

Love forgives, it moves on from the past, it is kind, it happens slowly, and you know when it’s something real!